You might know by now that there is nothing I love more than a new beginning. A re-invention. A fresh start.Every year, and I do mean ever year until Mom stopped being able to remember me properly, and I was on my own in that department, my Mom, (Daisy, or Daisy Dear as my Dad used to call her) would say to me, with passionate conviction,
“Dear, this year is going to be the best year ever, I just know it!”
I’d hear that, we’d hug and I would be comforted by the mingling scents of Estee Lauder’s “Youth Dew” and the faint eucalyptus smell of the Noxzema face cream she wore every night and day, and a small weight I didn’t know I was carrying would lift.
Why did she know to say that? What could she see that I couldn’t ? So much seemed out of reach to me, but I trusted my Mother.
I loved her.
Hope would bloom. Maybe things would be better after all!
For awhile before I understood myself and how I’m wired, the driving restlessness I tried to ignore, and the unrecognized anxiousness that lived in me daily, would somehow be fed and leave me be for awhile.
As It turns out, I was right, my Mommyo did see something I didn’t, something that has taken me all my life to understand and recognize.
This is what she saw, this is what she knew…
My Mother saw a cherished daughter she loved.
She said that to me every year because my Mother didn’t share the doubts I had about myself.
She believed in me absolutely and completely, she was for me, she was on team me.
The problem was that I was not on that team, and so I struggled.
Those words of confidence and faith were uttered each year with the fierce power of love riding through them and home to my heart. She steadily and faithfully re-ignited a spark of self love that insisted on extinguishing itself on a regular basis.
Mom never gave up, never wavered, she loved me and loved me and loved me until I finally came to understand how to do that on my own and even now, although we no longer communicate through words, that love, and her belief in me lives in me too now.
These days I can take those words and the force behind them and say them to myself.
You might say it’s an ongoing mini re-invention.
Of course I have times where I forget that my voice is important, and that who I am and what I contribute in the world is worthwhile, that I matter. The doubts slip in and I become afraid of life, of my value and place in the world.
I forget the power of love, I forget to be on team me.
Then I remember my Mom and all that love…
Mom gave me a gift of re-invention and persistence.
I remember all the second and third and fifty million chances she lovingly and willingly gave me, and I remember I can cut myself some slack, slow it down.
You can too…you can have the BEST YEAR EVER!…Today…